The Best Things I Probably Shouldn't Have Taught to my Students

Another little interlude post for you; Mainz one is coming, I'm just currently up to my (slightly too large for my liking) ears in YARP writing to have much energy left for serious posts.

These types of posts seem to be more popular anyway so I should try and write more.

So.

The Best Things I Probably Shouldn't Have Taught to my Students.

Now I don't mean like, illegal things or anything. I haven't been telling them the best ways to get a fake ID or rob a bank anything, though I have a feeling that would be a popular lesson. No I'm talking about stuff I either, in a fit devilry, taught them deliberately, or stuff I accidentally mentioned and then was forced to explain.

1# Cwtch, to cwtch.
No actual regrets here but I probably shouldn't have taught a class of 10 and 11 year olds the Welsh term for cuddling (umarmen in German if you're interested) before they know the English for it. Or, you know, how to count past 20, stuff like that.

In fairness, I did reluctantly teach them the English word afterwards. Cwtch is so much better though.

2# Popty ping.
Similarly, they asked me if all Welsh words were odd so for the giggles I taught them popty ping, which for the un-enlightened reading means microwave. They found this hilarious.

3# "budge up"
Not really necessary tbh. They all still remember it though, funny that.

4# The After Eight game.
Yeah so in yr 6 today they were learning the prepositions 'before' and 'after' and the teacher asked the kids if they knew the chocolates After Eights. Apparently they're much beliebt in Germany as there was a chorus of "jaaa"s.

Anyway, I stupidly piped up and said we play a game with them back home. Regretted it immediately when asked to explain the game, which basically involves putting it on your forehead and guiding it down your face as it melts, without hands, to your mouth, whereupon you eat it.

Small silence. Fit of laughing. Kid put her hand up..."Frau Thomas...sind alle Engländer verrückt?" (Miss Thomas, are all the English crazy?)

5# That I have (had) a fear of blackboards.

Bit random, but I have never been a fan of chalk on black boards. Luckily almost all classrooms in my comp had white boards, so I was spared, but I spent most of French Ling (inexplicably taught in the maths building at Southampton uni) cringing every time anything was written on the board.

When teaching my AG, we were telling each other unusual facts about ourselves by way of interesting introductions, so I told hem about my fear of writing on black boards.

I've had to get over this fear from day one in Germany as all classrooms are equipped with chalk and black boards, but now I've confided in the year 10s about my former fear they look at me with intense pity and concern every time I have to write on the board when teaching them.

6# That lacrosse is only taught in private schools in Britain

When learning about Canada the subject of lacrosse came up (Canada's national summer sport in case you're keen), and the teacher asked me if we play it in Britain.

My (absent-minded) response? "oh, only in private schools"

Now, until I arrived at uni (where to be sure all kinds of people play lacrosse) I'd only ever heard of the sport in the context of Mallory Towers books, and certainly not being taught at any of the many local comps in South Wales, so for some reason I have it in my head that its a 'private school sport', which I'm pretty sure is wrong.

Unfortunately the teacher responded with "echt?! Interessant. Schreib das mal auf Kinder" (really?! Interesting. Write that down kids). Oops.

#7 Welsh Days of the Week song...in English.

Ok so back in school we had this song that went "Dydd Sul, dydd Llun, dydd Mawr dydd Mercher, dydd Iawn, dydd Gwener, dydd Sadwrn hooray!" (Sunday, Monday, Tues, Weds, Thurs, Fri, Sat hooray!). When my mentor was teaching her yr 5s the days of the week they weren't really getting it, so (as usual without thinking) I said I knew a song to help, planning to adapt the tune to the English days as I went along.

Sadly, my basic music skills failed me as I forgot that the way it is sung in Welsh there are more syllables than there are in English. Also I cannot hold q tune to save my life. Cue me standing awkwardly infront of the class going "Sunda-a-ay, Monda-a-ay..." And so on. Afterwards, faced with 29 even more confused faces the teacher just went "anyway...turn to page 38 in your textbooks"...

#8 That everyone has tapestries on their walls.

This one was a joint effort from Soph (friend from my school days who visited recently) and I. When teaching about the parts of the house a student asked "was ist Teppich auf Englisch?" In a momentary fit of madness Soph and I agreed it was tapestry...until, just as they're about to write it down it hits me that it means wallpaper, duh. So luckily my students were just spared from learning that all British houses are full of tapestries.

#9 The name "bunk beds" is related to bunkers in the world wars.

Whilst this is true, I regretted going on to explain to the class that the bomb-proof buildings used during the world wars are called bunkers, and that the beds within them would be called bunk beds, when a) the class looked confused and a few brave souls put their hands up and asked "es gab einen Krieg?" (there was a war?) and b) the teacher pursed her lips, gave me a haughty look and changed the subject.

Don't. Mention. The. War.

#10 My Dad shook hands with a bear.

Picture the scene. Yr 7 are learning about Canada. There is naturally a lot of talk about bears (or rather "beers"). I am telling the story of how when cycling in the Rocky Mountains my Dad came across a bear, and luckily was far enough away to retreat without sparking its anger (or rather hunger). Unfortunately, I was telling this story in German, and used the verb "treffen", which without reflexive or preposition means more to meet someone, or shake their hand. Which meant I gave my yr 7 class a highly amusing mental image of my father casually making the acquaintance of a bear.




Who said teaching is boring?




Plus, hey, at least this year I'll know I made some sort of impression...


P.S. Hey guess what? It hit me the other day I've been in Germany for 5 and a half months already. Crazy!